five.

paxton.
I remember everything
about the day you were born.
the way your mom's voice sounded
shaky
on the other end of the phone.
you were coming!!
maybe.
possibly?
we were all new at this.

the way I shot up and paced around my house.

oh, how I paced.

back and forth for an hour.

my heart trying to escape from my chest

in excitement

and with nerves

but most of all with happiness.

all together, all at once.

how I jumped in my car

and sped (don't speed) down empty streets

to the hospital because

yes!!

you really were coming.

I remember the song that

played through my speakers.

Just One.

the last song I heard

before we met.

it will always make me think

of you.

I remember the beep beep beep

of your heart

and how your moms and I sat in a dark corner room

on the third floor

in the middle of the night

urged by the nurses to rest.

but, how could we sleep?!

didn't they know

YOU WERE COMING.

and less than 24 hours later

I stepped into that very same dark room

again, my heart racing.

I stood next to your mom,

and she handed you to me.

I remember how tightly you were wrapped,

the blue and pink stripes of your hat,

how you held your eyes open so wide,

and how quickly mine filled with tears because

there you were.

and I remember how

at that moment

there was not a room anywhere,

in any place

filled with anyone who was happier than us.

pax.

one day you will be big enough

to know all about the world.

you will learn

that on the very same month you were born

the world's population reached

seven billion people.

of all the little boys in the entire world,

how did we get the very best one?

happy first birthday nugget.

xoxo.