ways to survive a 13 hour flight.

I'm heading back to my very favorite place on this earth in a few days (ASIA MY LOVE), and with it comes the longest continuous flight I have taken yet in my short traveling career, 13 hours from LA to Beijing. I consider myself a pretty A+ traveler. I'm patient, I'm perfectly fine sitting still for long periods of time, disgusting plane smells have nothing on disgusting hospital smells, and I can sleep anywhere. Hour eight and on can get a little dicey for anyone though so, my fool-proof list of:

WAYS TO SURVIVE A LONG ASS FLIGHT.
+earphones. put them in your head early, and leave them there. especially if you are alone. if you are not one to get enjoyment from making small talk and hearing the life story of your plane neighbor for hours (me me me) this will save you. they don't even need to be hooked up to anything. stick the end in your pocket and call it a day. a quiet peaceful day.

+turn yourself in a giant pillow. hoodies! sweatpants! scarves! anything made of fleece! definitely be barefoot 99% of the time (bathroom breaks excluded). long flights are almost always super polar vortexy, and them in-flight blankets aren't made for people over 5'2 and that's a fact.

+pack deodorant on your carry on. you will never not be happy you did this.

+depending on the type of trip you're going on, bring a laptop or an ipad pre-loaded and cholk-full of TV shows. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY EPISODES OF PARKS AND REC YOU CAN WATCH IN 13 HOURS?

+make up a scavenger hunt challenge with your friend. while perusing the aisles in an attempt to ward off deadly blood clots, take pictures of everything on the list and ultimately show your friend that no one beats you in a scavenger hunt challenge! no one.

+SNACKS. bring them and bring a lot of them because, you love snacks. eating is the best when you're bored. nothing smelly. don't be one of those people.

+download all your favorite comedians on all your favorite podcasts and laugh all the way to another continent.

+do not. do NOT read your lonely planet guide on the places you are going. you will get way too excited and the flight will never ever ever end.

+BUY AN EXTERNAL ELECTRONIC CHARGER. it is a lifesaver. it is 2014 and still somehow not 100% of planes have electricity outlets. your iphone will die at hour two, you won't have music or flappy bird, and you will be sad. (it is also super nice when you're out all day getting lost in new cities.)

+if you hit the air travel lottery and you're granted wifi, make up a fake brawl with a fake lady three rows back and become twitter famous.

+attempt to start a hey jude sing-a-long.

+come to think of it, just take what some might consider a little too much benadryl, and sleep the entire time. trust me. I'm a nurse.

Why we should all be a little more like Amy Poehler. //

To the very best lady of all. On her birthday. 

-------

She created, along with two of her real-life friends, a youtube channel called Smart Girls At The Party, that celebrates and encourages young girls to "change the world by being yourself." On why she wanted to take on such a project, "I like that age, where you’re not quite into boys yet and really think you can be an astronaut, a teacher, a doctor and a roller skater. That girl and I live in the same world." It urges girls to express themselves in ways that tap into their ambitions and intellect rather than their appearance. And at the end of each episode? A DANCE PARTYY!! My favorite: Ruby, the tiniest feminist. Be still my heart. 

The best part? Included in the channel is an intimate webcam video series called, "Ask Amy" where she talks bare-faced through her computer, answering questions, and giving touching advice to young girls from her home. 



Yes, these are meant for girls who are at least ten years younger than I am. Yes, I am still in love with them and can relate (and sometimes cry). MOOOVING ON.

She wrote(!!) and performed this rap on Weekend Update. In front of Palin. Nine months pregnant. One of the best moments ever on SNL.

Chris Pratt, her costar on Parks & Recreation, had this to say about working with her.

She is very involved with the Worldwide Orphans Foundation, has helped to raise money for them numerous times, and just this year over New Years, she volunteered with them in Haiti.

She was one of the founding members (at 26) of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in NYC, which has become one of the leading improv and sketch training centers in the entire United States. It's turned out an enormous percentage of people performing or writing comedy on TV today. She still sometimes performs in ASSSSCAT, the improv show she originally starred in, on Sunday nights when she is in New York. (I MUST GO.)

Her wonderfully sarcastic and refreshing answer on how she got boys to notice her when she was young.

She thought up and organized this hilarious bit during the 2011 Emmy Awards:


and again during her category at the 2012 Emmys:

...proving that she doesn't have to win an award to own an award show (and at life, let's be honest).

this:
INTERVIEWER: Give me one of your purely satisfying mean moments. 
TINA FEY: The first thing that comes to mind is a more recent one, when Amy Poehler and I were in the airport last week in Toronto and we were getting hassled by this middle-aged businessman who was doing that thing that middle-aged businessmen do, being rude. And then Amy, in the middle of the airport, screamed, “Fuck you, you fuckin’ dick, you fuckin’ rich asshole.” And it was so satisfying—it was immediate release. She would probably be mortified that I told you. 

and this:
Vanessa Bayer:  

Yeah, I was so emotional. I started tearing up. It was so surreal. I actually stayed on stage because I wanted to hug Amy Poehler. She was the host that week, and I wanted to thank her because she was such a wonderful person to work with. So I gave her a hug, and I can’t remember exactly what I said, but I said something like, ‘It was amazing to do my first show with you,’ and she held my hand and walked offstage with me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. She was so kind and generous.

She created Kaitlin, an extremely hyperactive and hilarious preteen girl which is, in my opinion, one of the funniest, most impressive, and my very favorite SNL character.

She lends her name and support to women's reproductive rights, the CA domestic worker's bill of rights, and to ending gun violence.

Her advice to the 2011 graduating class of Harvard:


And who she thanks in her toast at the 2011 Time 100 Gala:


I will end this excessive love splurge with some more rapping because, inside tiny Amy Poehler there is an even smaller black woman, and the whole world should know it.

All serious hobbies Jessie should consider:

make friendship bracelets.
make candles.
make dream catchers (I really want some.)
shop at thrift stores.
watch all four seasons of parks & rec so we can discuss every detail.*
start a book club with me.
paint.
make your own ice cream.
churn your own butter.
help me make this on wood boards for my new living room.
take a picture of pax in a different setting every day.
start a journal.
start a blog.
invent new hairstyles.
cross stitch me something I can frame.
hand write letters.

make your own wine.

teach me how to do that.
redecorate a small corner of your house.
prank call random numbers.
make cupcakes.
make noodle necklaces.
make onsies for pax.
go to the farmer's market on saturdays.
try all the coffee shops in phoenix.
parkour
find out every possible thing you can about a favorite celebrity online.
tell me if this is fun because I have never done it.
jump rope.
hula hoop.
make soap.
make a list of all the movies you want to see but never have.
watch those.
yoga.
learn to beatbox.
research your family history on ancestry.com.
ride a bike.
ride a unicycle.
learn to rap.
write jokes.
write a movie.

*please?

Things I said during my meet & greet with Sugarland.

Last night I got to meet one of my lady heros, and it went a little something like this:

THINGS I SAID DURING MY MEET & GREET WITH SUGARLAND
I have to nervous pee.
Do you think anyone is ever really excited to meet Kristian?
I hope nobody heard me say that.
DAMN IT! I almost wore my white jeans, we could have been twins!
I wish people would cheer whenever I walked into a room.
Ahh, look how cute they are.
Should I make her hug me? I should make her hug me right? I'm gonna make her hug me.
Am I nerding out as much on the outside as I am on the inside?
I need some alcohol.
I want to congratulate her on her hot husband.
If I asked her if she wanted to be friends, what do you think she would say?
Holyshitballs this is happening.
I have to nervous pee again.
It's going to feel real strange to look someone in the eye that you've spent hours stalking on the internet.
She is touching me, she is touching me.
Be cool.
Arm around the waist, that's totally how real friends pose!
Oh hi Kristian, you're here too.
Don't blink.
Ah, shit guys I think I blinked!
Of course I would blink.
Goodbye, I love you!

Jennifer and I are totally best friends now and I dare you to prove otherwise in a court of law.

haha but really, they were sweet and lovely and it was amazing to meet them, even if it was only for five seconds. :)

27 things I want to do while I'm 27.

It's that time again. Holy shit, I'm 27. Decided to make this year's birthday list a mixture of new things, along with things I didn't cross off from previous years (I'm not perfect, alright?)  :)

1. go to the Phoenix Art Museum.
2. eat dinner outside all summer.
3. stick a piece of gum on the gum wall in Seattle.
4. get Jessie on Twitter.
5. go fishing.
6. ice skate.
7. go to a psychic.
8. learn to surf.
9. get another stamp in my passport.
10. ride in a hot air balloon.
11. anonymously buy coffee for the person behind me.
12. attend a music festival.
13. read 27 books.
14. ride the light rail.
15. move.
16. high-five a member of a band I see live.
17. write more. always write more.
18. give Paxton one thousand kisses.
19. NYC during Christmas-time.
20. spend an entire day in the woods.
21. try all the restaurants that are members of Devour Phoenix.
22. send a message in a bottle.
23. tattoo #3.
24. get a kiss on New Year's Eve.
25. get a picture in a magazine.
26. go to Lowell Observatory at night.
27. buy an electric guitar.

Check out things I did during 25 here and 26 here.

Two minutes, twenty-four seconds, and seventy-two reasons why 2011 was amazing:

twenty one rides through the sky.

buddha statues.

family band practices.

successful clinical trials 

and tumor resections.

fist bumps with amos lee.

records.

grace, scotty, matt, benny, & cat.

cafe du monde.

falling in love with asia.

railroad revival tour.

happy water.

#swampromp.

adele.

with sister.

and one amazing somebody like you crowd sing-a-long.

bullshitting with julie.

in person.

finally.

sin jow.

man angels.

a girls day with elle.

new orleans.

ferry rides.

grimeys.

alabama barbeque. 

red rocks.

late night sbarro entertainment.

5d mark ii.

girls graduating.

matt nathanson's hips.

nugget.

jumping off junk boats.

in vietnam.

vietnam. vietnam. vietnam.

chatting with little big town.
and david wright.

drive-thru snow cone stands.

brass bands.

homeboy turning one.

nashville.

first row concerts.

sunrises in halong bay.

music soul mates.

prayer flags.

the grand canyon.

and starting an annual cousin trip

i hope. :)

wine in plastic cups in the middle of thunderstorms.

pho.

new friends from italy and germany.

giant blue starfish.

first time subway rides.

pinterest.

12 hours in south korea.

dragon fruit.

the outsiders.

tweeting natalie maines.

...and her tweeting me back.

asiana airline slippers.

sage francis' the best of times.
snowflakes at goldwater lake.
the paper kites.
film
and aunt kitty's 35mm.
free tv show tapings.
@sbellelauren
thrift store travel diaries.
wedding videos.
bangs.
cable cars
vegas road trips.
another one for the books.

90 reasons, 8 minutes, and 16 seconds why 2010 was amazing.

14 rides through the sky.

Raising Hope.

The Dog Days Are Over.

Sugarland in row 4.

With dad.

Mumford & Sons.

Sugarland covering Mumford & Sons 

Crystal Bowersox's voice.

Lava flows.

Real ones and ones you drink with a straw.

Pizza John.
Little Miss.

Grady, Elle, and the RN behind my name turning 2.

Hurricane Agatha's raindrops.

And meeting new friends because of them.

Anderson Ave.

Gallo pinto.

Wine.
Shine The Light.
25 things.

Grace Potter & The Nocturnals.

A week vacation with mom and dad,

to watch brother throw a baseball

And get a win :) 

If It's Love.

Seeing Train perform If It's Love  
at the very moment of being obsessed with it.

Five dollar white plastic sunnies that I love.

Finding my own personal music drug dealer.

Hawaiian sunsets.

Homeboy in the world. 

Joe Purdy.

Forest Sun.

Becoming an iPhone owner.

Film.

& Vinyl.

Crossing two things off my ultimate bucket list:

   Luau in Hawaii

   Seeing the White House.

Pictures with Sister & Shane.

Kings Of Leon with my lovely cousins

in the rain.

The Features.

Passion Pit.

Long hair.

Hippie music festivals.

Plane shadows.

Words with friends.

High-fiving breast cancer survivors.

And dancing with some too.

Amos Lee.
Beach cruiser.

A heart that beats,

an Incredible Machine.

Waterfalls.

Cokes in bottles.

Direct message from @sugarlandmusic.
Good talks.

The Be Good Tanyas.

Court Yard Hounds.

Ukuleles.

Living with Brother for 7 months.

The Pacific Ocean.

Dave Matthews.

Phantogram.
Eat. Pray Love.

The Art Of Racing In The Rain

Livestrong x5.

Pineapple water.

Seriously adding to my traveling magnet collection.

Elephant Revival

Ziplines.

Cancer free Maui
and tumor ...shrinkage.

Will Hoge.

Leila Broussard.

Playing with wild Costa Rican monkeys.

Vintage Jennifer Nettles live cds.

Sushi.

Discovering Fresh & Easy.
And 20 chai tea bags for two dollars.

Hearing somebody legitimately say "Dontcha know, eh?"

No, really.

Having Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, AND NYE off. 

Crab photoshoots.
Penn station.
Traveling by plane, train, bus, car, van, cable, boat, taxi, and by foot.
The Avett Brothers.
TOMS
Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors.
Cheese curds.
1000awesomethings.com
Happy news.

2010, you were delicious. from Sarah Lasker on Vimeo.