Officially cancel the 24 hour suicide watch, I am no longer unemployed! It has been a long six months. "What if I NEVERRRRR work again, evvvvver!?!" I whined many times. I also cried occasionally, usually after some wine that I eventually just started drinking out of a mug. If you're going to be unemployed, you might at well do it right. Because it's over, I can now laugh at all the slightly depressing, but somehow also incredibly funny things that happened to me since I told nursing to suck it, and it told me to suck it right back.
THINGS THAT TOOK PLACE DURING MY STINT IN UNEMPLOYMENT:
Somedays there ceased to be a difference between my awake clothes and my asleep clothes. Sometimes neither of those scenarios involved pants.
A bag of butter noodles became a perfectly acceptable meal.
It feels pretty fucking awesome to not wear a bra for 24 hours. You should do it sometime. I do not recommend, however, going out of the house like this. It is not attractive.
My neighbor saw me in my underwear. Again.
I ACTUALLY GOT SICK OF NOT WORKING. This was the first, and for the love of god hopefully the last time, I will ever feel this way.
I had to consciously suppress my gag reflex whenever I looked at my bank accounts. Actually, ...this is ongoing.
I watched every video ever posted on the internet with Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and Kristen Wiig in it. This increased my girl crushes on them exponentially, while also increasing my bank of useless knowledge about them. Did you know it was Tina's three year old daughter who actually coined the phrase, "I want to go to there."? Plenty more where that came from.
I started a previously full, now empty, wine bottle collection.
My sweet best Jessie offered up an air mattress and half her newborn baby's room to me if I could no longer afford my life, and I could hug her a thousand times because of it. It was incredibly sweet and it only slightly crushed my little independent soul. Pax, you dodged a bullet on this one kid. Although our sleeping habits are probably frighteningly similar and I really would have loved waking up to your handsome little face every afternoon.
I haven't had a full tank of gas since December. I don't know why I do this. It accomplishes nothing except guarantees more trips to the gas station, yet somehow tricks my brain into thinking I'm spending less money.
I watched all four seasons of Parks and Rec. Twice. And after that I watched five seasons of 30 Rock. Also should mention that I've already seen every single one of these episodes when they aired on tv. I've spent a lot of time with Leslie and Liz, and I'm sorry I'm not sorry.
I owe both my parents and Jessie hundreds of dollars in food compensation.
In less depressing happenings, I did get to watch my best friend become a mom and gained a wonderfully awesome little nugget boy, I did not become homeless or have to live in a cardboard box on the side of anyone's house, got a new apartment downtown that I can not wait to move into, got to meet one of my all time favorite lady heros, and I learned that yes, you actually CAN survive without making a Target run twice a week. Who knew.
Tomorrow I start back at the hospital where I learned how to be a nurse. A floor that has been referred to many times as "hell-hole", "the place of my nightmares" and, "shutter island". But, really, it is like home and I am so happy to be going back.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go drink some wine out of a mug one last time because, it has been an incredibly stressful six months.