4.18.2012

Warnings for my future husband. vol.1.

Dear future husband. I know everyone has their quirks, but I have some very particular habits and requests that I need you to sign off on before you commit your ENTIRE LIFETIME to sleeping next to me.

I like music. Yes I know, everyone likes music. But, I REALLY like it. Plan on me spending much of my waking hours listening to it, downloading it, trying to play it, searching for it, seeing it live, planning trips around it, and probably ignoring you sometimes because of it. I don't mean to. I still love you. And to show it, I will always take suggestions and make it up to you if you go with me to see all my favorite bands. But remember, my musical taste is perfect, do not try to convince me otherwise. And please, never object to my playlists during road-trips or while traveling. I take that shit seriously.

Our vows will not contain the word "obey" or will we be saying them inside a church. I don't care what your parents want.

Affliction or anything Ed Hardy? Over my dead body.

I talk to my best friend everyday. This will never change. You must treat her well and love her almost as much as I do. She knows more about you than you can ever imagine. She is basically my other husband.

When we go for sushi, please don't be that asshole who orders chicken teriyaki and uses a fork.

I have a dog. He was here before you so, don't complain if I let him sleep in our bed.

Car maintenance. That's all you buddy.

For my birthday, our anniversary, or other romantic holidays, don't spend your money on stupid shit like flowers or chocolate. Take me on an adventure and let's do something cool. 

Screw CNN, we will get our world news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

On New Years Eve, I don't care if we go big, or stay home as long as we get to make out and set things on fire at midnight.

Sweetie? Don't call me that.

I like to take pictures. Of everything. All the time. Humor me and pretend you like it. This will only get worse when we have children.

Speaking of, we will not be naming our kids, under any circumstances, stupid ass trendy names like Madison, Kaitlyn, Cooper, Kinsley, Aiden or anything with an unnecessary y. I already call veto.

Scott Avett. Be him.

Travel and vacation are not the same thing. We can vacation when we are 70. Until then, let's stick to loosely planned Lonely Planet guided trips, wear backpacks, sleep outside, get drunk off sketchy local homemade alcohol, and jump off stuff.

Religion? Yeah, me neither.

Sometimes we will break out in random dance parties. Pants are optional. 

Bacon. Bring it home. Literally. That shit's delicious.

3 comments:

Danielle said...

I love everything about this post, and I feel as though I could have written it myself- just maybe not as creatively. haha! :)

Anonymous said...

I've followed your flickr and blog for awhile now and love everything about this post, minus you not liking the name Cooper. It's my 7 year old's name. Lol!

Sarah Lasker said...

haha, sorry. :) But, at least 7 years ago it wasn't a stupid ass trendy name right? haha. :) Thanks for following!